Photo courtesy : Bicrom

In case you haven't heard, I'm heading to Cambodia tomorrow for a little more than a month. Temperature is good this time of year, with February the month when temps start to rise. I will be heading over with my mother, and my so-called aunt. This marks the first time I have returned to the region since I was a baby and am seeing all these landmarks for the first time. Besides staying with family along the way, we will do typical touristy things and tour the region.

Itinerary includes stopping in Phnom Penh, country capital.

Photo courtesy : Wikipedia

Over to the temples of Angkor Wat, the largest religious structure in the world.

Photo courtesy : carlitosvarela79

R&R should be headed over to "Snookyville" (I can never spell it correctly)

And then, since Va Day will be for the firtst time since birth be held abroad, I am headed to Bangkok (I was born there). I will make sure to take a picture of myself in my birthday suit at the city center.

I will also hit some side excursions into Vietnam and Singapore as well. I'm flying out of New York JFK again (6th time in NYC in 1 year, and frankly, half the year I was in Africa) on a Boeing 747 (currently largest airliner) operated by Singapore Airlines. Known worldwide for being the best in customer service. So far this whole trip screams "posh" while at the same time "budget". We'll see how it goes as I set myself off to another trip of a lifetime.

Screw the snow! I'm headed to SE Asia tomorrow!

Wanted to introduce you to my new Linksblog, Killer Links. It runs off a del.icio.us feed and includes my notes, and all my tags. One reason I am doing this is to reduce space on this blog to talk about cool links and such, and plus to just share all the amount of links I go through a day. I encourage you to open a del.icio.us account too and go crazy. It saves and shares all your bookmarks and you can organize them in tags. Plus it makes recommendations.

A day by day account of my final days of being a Peace Corps Volunteer. :)

29 December
Wake up and after pondering for about 3 hours, and for the first time, felt excited about leaving. Went through rest of day with the impression of leaving, and started making my phone calls to friends at night.

30 December
Take unofficial day off of work and nobody seems to notice. While at my counterpart’s house later on that night, I tell him and my best friend (his nephew) that I am leaving early and cited that 1, I needed time to relax and learn about myself and my family considering my young age, and 2, I felt a slave under Peace Corps.

Over the next 3 days, I started receiving phone calls from those on my island that I have not been able to get on the previous day.

31 December
New Years Eve, one of the worst days ever. Only thing important was the e-mail I sent to my family notifying to be on the lookout for another e-mail detailing my flight information home.

Mother calls me later at night and bitches me out for my not so feasible solo trip to Cambodia with my Peace Corps money. I stay firm with my choice and she agrees that I should at least come home. Phone call ends, I get pissed off, go for a walk… and later head to church with my Nigerian friend.

1 January
Use day to move, clean out my office at the youth center, and start lugging all my books into boxes to be returned back to Praia. Start packing clothes into luggage and start “living out of one bag”. Watch some videos on my laptop before making the big call the next morning.

2 January
Unfortunately, nobody told me of the observed New Year’s holiday. Nobody worked and I couldn’t even go to the bank. So, took a day off and couldn’t find anybody to hang out with since everybody took a day off too.

3 January
Make the big call in the morning, and while waiting for more call backs, took advantage of time to head to bank to withdraw some money to pay my phone bill. Director calls back around lunchtime, and encourages me to think it over for a day. I cave in and give in to the benefit.

4 January
Still focused and unchanged, make the last call to finalize my decision. Start organizing my luggage, boxes of books and PC bike to be stuffed into a hiace later. Say my last goodbyes to my local friends and received many thoughtful gifts. Some of them started to get teary eyed and I was just as sad to leave them. I waited about a half hour for a gift bottle of local grogue. Acquire a hiace, place all my goods inside and take the final hour long drive from Calheta to Praia to store my goods at the transit house.

Head to the office later and conducted my final interviews with directors, and step 1 of medical exam. Blood drawn, TB test planted, and complete physical including the whirlybird. Also instructed how to collect 3 stool samples in a container no bigger than what you would get for a small cup of soup. Great. Take advantage of free internet and get to work on my final Description of Service. Obviously I haven’t don’t too much, but mentioned every task I did under the youth center. Get back home to the transit house to enjoy hamburgers at Café Benfica.

5 January
Close out medical exam. Step 2 of medical exam, go over paperwork, and remain glued to the internet. Head to have a beer with Jess and head to her place afterwards. Night falls, and enjoy a chilly dinner with the rest of the Praia crew. Party splits and then run into a friend from the embassy and well, head to a bar for more drinks and live music. Another friend from the embassy is already there, and well he buys us 4 rounds (with I downed in less than an hour). My quick buzz helped me to bed on the transit house cuz I was too lazy to make it to the bed.

6 January
Maid walks into the house and gives me a good morning wakeup call. Head to a restaurant for an omelet and then make final visit to PC office. Finalize all papers, and receive about $100 for an allowance for the next 2 days. Glimpse at my airplane tickets and start stressing out. I would start to fly out tonight at 6, but wouldn’t make it home till Sunday morning and no layovers. Say final goodbyes and head back to the house for final packing and a fast meal. Run into Jonah who was back from Lisbon and then finally headed to airport.

Here is where the fun begins.

I flew from one island to another, to connect to Lisbon, Portugal. I knew that once I got into Sal, around 7pm, I should give Robert Wharton a call because apparently everybody passes through him and has a beer. Haven’t seen Robert Wharton since Swear in and he bought me those beers that he said he owed me and had the best pizza in the country. Start pounding water around midnight to cure my early hangover and head to the international airport to do some shopping. Great airport, btw.

7 January
2am boarding time for a 4 hour flight to Lisbon. Honestly don’t remember too much of the flight besides the kid screaming next to me. Arrive into Lisbon at 7am, exchanged money, and then passed right through customs to breathe my first breath of European air. Start indulging into Westernization by browsing through a bookstore even though they were all in Portuguese. Waited for the city bus and bought a day pass for only 3 Euros!.

Headed towards the town and got off towards the top of the downtown area. Picked up a few maps and, but was struck as to how dead and silent the city was (nobody goes out before lunch it seems). I enjoy the scenery, take some pictures and arrive at the shore. I start to get really ambitious and decide to walk to the Belem district where the 25 de Abril bridge (this was a really dumb idea as it took more than hour).

After an hour of walking, I convinced the clerk at the monument to the discoveries that I was student and climbed 15+, I repeat 15+ flights of stairs to get to the top of the monument just so I can get the best view. The monumental pain wasn’t worth the monumental view. Apparently there was an elevator, but I’m too cool for that.

Took more pictures, and decided on lunch. Didn’t think my Euros would go far so just settled on McDonalds (which gave me a stomachache, but surprisingly good service) and regretted not getting a beer that included the Super Bock holiday glass. Took a cable car back downtown and was amazed at how full the downtown shopping area was. Did some browsing, tried looking for an internet café and took a nap at a mall. At that moment, figured malls weren’t a bad idea and was the best place to people watch. So I figured I head to Columbo, which claims to be the biggest shopping mall on the Iberian peninsula.

BENFICA WHAT!!!

Took the very clean Metro which lead me directly to the basement of the mall and then headed up to a great view of Benfica stadium. Life accomplishment, I tell ya.

Checked out the mall, which so far is the biggest mall I have seen yet (even though I rarely leave New England), and my jaw just dropped when I laid my eyes on the indoor roller coaster on the top floor of the mall. Enjoyed some Chinese food at the food court (imagine a Cambodian dude ordering Chinese food in Portuguese) and had my LAST SUPER BOCK EVER. It even tasted skunky just for me. Looked at the money I had left and tried to look for a souvenir but time ran out before I had to leave to board my flight.

Waiting at the Praca de Comercio, got treated to a light show and a lit up Xmas tree while waiting for the bus to the airport. Ride to airport was a lot longer than I remembered and went right to boarding. Got seated and tried to start a conversation with the guy seated next to me. He claimed not to know any English so I got started in Portuguese, and then he wouldn’t shut up. He even started talking in English even though he claimed not to know any, but it was too much too late.

Started getting sick from being outside too much and from the horrible fast food I had eaten. Downed some pills and slept or stayed still for the next 4 hours. Afterwards, killed the battery on my iPod before getting close to the states. For some reason, they shut the lights off as we approached NYC and I could tell it was NYC because I could see the buildings that make up Downtown and Midtown. Plane landed and felt great relief to be back on American soil.

Made it through customs, but surprisingly at 10pm, Newark International airport was absolutely dead. Tried asking desperately if I could check my bags in early for my 7am flight, but the place was a ghosttown. So here I was, in an empty airport with all my luggage, and the next bus or train to NYC wasn’t until 5am, so…. I slept on top of my luggage until 4am.

8 January
I figured it would be dumb of me to spend 12 bucks to only be able to spend an hour in NYC so I decided to check in when the desks began to open around 5am. Before that, I became convinced that I could shove my smallest bag into my big duffel, and after fighting for half an hour managed it. It was good to see it go and after bags were checked, enjoyed walking around with no baggage.

Now at this point, I had been alone since midnight Friday, and started looking for weird ways to entertain myself. I then started talking to everybody in a faux British accent and just had a blast with it. Here I am enjoying a yuppy coffee and passing myself off like I am some rich foreigner. I still think it’s a fun thing to do.

After hours of perusing the bookstore and watching CNN on plasma tvs, finally boarded on the flight to Providence.

There were only 9 passengers on the plane. The ticket costed Peace Corps $330. It would have been cheaper for me to rent a car and drive myself back to Cranston. But I wasn’t complaining, I enjoyed morning views of NYC and Cranston/Warwick on the trip home.

Back home in lovely RI, found my parents, and was still pissed off about our last phone conversation, I didn’t even greet them, I just waved them over to baggage claim (this may sound weird, but if you knew my parents, it’s really nothing). Parents mentioned how skinny I was, and then brought myself into shock in seeing snow on the ground. Got home and the first thing I did was shower… at that point I haven’t had one since Friday and haven’t seen a bed since then.

The rest is history. Enjoyed an ultimate Beirut game the first night I was back (I still haven’t slept yet), enjoyed free shots at the bar on Friday, and brought back 20 or so UNH friends to party on Saturday in Portsmouth. The partying came back, even though The Va wasn’t mentally there.

So if anybody wants to ET on a Friday, you’re most likely going to fall into this trap too. I was unfortunate to have to wait so long for a short flight to Providence, in my case. But Robert says he has seen all the ETs pass through him, as if it is a guarantee you will spend a considerable amount of time in Lisbon. If it falls correctly, you might enjoy your time. And for goodness sake, start talking Crioulo to anybody you see.

Back when I was still finalizing my decision to leave the Peace Corps, I wrote an e-mail to my family telling them to expect me home by the following week and that I would let them know when my flight would arrive. Later on that night, as I was sitting home still collecting my thoughts, my mom gave me a call. I mentioned to her that I was heading home, and that my next plan was to go to Cambodia no matter what she said. In the next minute or so, she continued to trash my dream, saying that I can't afford a trip myself and that I was stupid to leave the Peace Corps just to go on a trip to Cambodia which I didn't have the money before. My esteem took over, I swallowed hard, and replied to her that I still feel firm on my decision.

So heading home, I was under the impression that I would have to work for a bit, before going off to Cambodia to visit, work, volunteer, whatever. However, once I arrived back in Providence, RI, my mother told me I was all set to go to Cambodia next week (24th). I found it slightly weird that she was actually willing to pay for my trip, considering she's unemployed and the flight costs $1200. I think in the time after we had our last phone conversation she came to realize how much going back to Cambodia meant to me, and that I would have gone without her support anyway. So apparently, she let up, bought 2 plane tickets, for her and myself, and invited 2 other friends to come join for another trip of a lifetime.

But hold on there. Ahem. I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO CAMBODIA!!! And Thailand and Vietnam too. What was once a rumor has now turned to reality... obviously great that this has happened in light of my resignation from the Peace Corps.

SO, PC BUDDIES! Spread the island gossip! I made it! One week I am in Cape Verde, the other I will be in Cambodia. Doing exactly what I said I would be doing, and this time I know for sure.

In a way, it sounds too good to be true but I just gotta roll with the flow. I knew leaving the Peace Corps would be hard on me, but I didn't think good things would happen this soon. But... I am not complaining. This guy is moving on.

So, one week since home and yet no good explanation for quitting the Peace Corps. I apologize for neglecting to write this earlier or giving you a bullshit excuse at any point you have asked me in the past week. Truth is, I am really really tired from thinking it over in the past weeks and I argue that the only ones who can understand my situation the best are fellow Peace Corps Volunteers in country who have experienced and are still currently experiencing the same situation I went through. In case you really want to know more, I have pasted my goodbye e-mail to my PC friends that explains best my reasons for leaving from a Peace Corps perspective.

My fellow PCVs,

I am writing this letter to inform you that I am terminating my service early and heading back home to the states. I have called most of you or either I didn’t have your number, or you weren’t home when I was trying. Anybody else who wants to talk, feel free to call me at the transit house while I’m still there till Friday the 6th and if you are in the states, feel free to call my home at 401-467-1677.

It all comes down to this, at some point I lost my motivation and didn’t feel content with myself being here. Despite what I may have led you to believe, I don’t hate Calheta as much as I said I did. Even with all the free time I claimed I had, I still worked a lot and kept myself out of the house to get to know my community. Eventually I was burning myself out beyond any cure that the Fika Fixe guide could give me. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, yet I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of it. I thought about the decision for weeks, and considering the support I got from my community, realized that I it was my time to go. Basically, I wasn’t getting the experience I expected, I didn’t think my work would be meaningful, the Peace Corps program is very flawed, and I felt I joined the Peace Corps at a wrong time. I’m leaving Calheta now on a happy note and a little disappointed that my PC service was compromised.

First, I feel Cape Verde was a detriment to my PC experience. My life here is very Westernized and I no longer felt it was worth it to be this far away from home and live a very similar life. I know you might say, that all that physical suffering that you would get in other PC Africa countries gets old, but it’s the fact that you know you’re helping a community that compels you to stay. Here, I found that Cape Verde was too developed to be enjoyable and wished they would all stop watching TV and getting drunk in the morning. In many ways, I feel jeopardized that I didn’t get the total out of body experience I expected.

Second, I found that Calheta and me didn’t match up correctly. It was especially difficult with everyone’s perception that I was Chinese, considering Calheta only had one loja which just opened in July. Eventually I got tired of kids of picking fights with me in the street and locals giving me dirty looks. Besides the being Chinese factor, I found the people of Calheta to be rude and very “buzofa”, and were not as nice as Sao Domingos or as any continental African I have met so far. Considering it is out in the “fora”, the locals probably weren’t used to seeing foreigners and are slow to change and new ideas. In short, I just didn’t feel accepted and I got a bad vibe from anybody who was outside my circle of friends.

Third, the more I got into it, the more I realized my job as a CD volunteer was wasting my time. Anything I was doing, could be doing, will be doing, or has already been done by the past volunteer could have been done by a Cape Verdean, and maybe more effectively considering the language barrier. Why can’t Peace Corps train locals to become CD volunteers? I no longer saw the sense in shipping in an American “to help out the CEJ”, especially considering the costs of keeping us happy. Eventually I thought the sense of educating the perception of Americans and the spread of goodwill had already been achieved and that I was being treated more as “free work” instead of “help”. On top of that, I feel Peace Corps has inadequately trained us and I felt more confused at site that I was at PST. In the end, I no longer wanted to do nothing and just “ride it out” like other volunteers might do. My biggest motivation to come into the Peace Corps was to do some work, but I no longer saw it meaningful considering there are tons of places that need help before Calheta. My community didn’t seem to have any problems that needed fixing, and any problems I saw were cultural (multiple girlfriends, level of cleanliness) that I didn’t want to intrude on.

Fourth, I found the administration to be uncaring and more concerned with numbers and finances rather than have us become effective volunteers. I went through a long application process, background check and legal clearance to get into the Peace Corps, and guess what, they place me in a house with a complete stranger from Portugal because “the rent is free”. In addition, any work I needed to get done on the house for security was all my responsibility and Peace Corps would just pay for it. Well, things never got fixed until my Cape Verdean counterpart helped me before those American monkeys who were running the office. These problems didn’t really bother me, but I thought that considering PC/CV’s reputation, that they would get their act together. On a broader scale, I felt Peace Corps is more concerned in just boosting their image, send more and more volunteers, numbers and numbers, rather than spend the money on us and programs in order to be actually effective and not be political puppets.

And most importantly, I felt that right now was the wrong time for me to be in the Peace Corps. I need time to know more about myself, my family and my own home country before I go off changing the world. I didn’t feel content with my life in the states, and I should have gotten that fixed before I came here. I mentioned to most of you that I am looking forward to going back to Cambodia and it is something I need to do and should have done before I spent time in Cape Verde. I realized that 2 years would be a long time, life is short and I am leaving before I put myself into any more misery. There is no doubt I would have stayed, had PC service been shorter. But PC is now on the backburner and I am really looking forward to moving on.

I could go on and on but before I waste anymore of your internet time, I wish to thank all the friends and buddies I have made here in Cape Verde. You guys are by far the nicest and most fun group of people I have ever met, and I imagine if all of us were placed in the same site that we would all stay the 2 years. I really wish you guys got a chance to see the real side of me instead of seeing me unhappy. However, don’t forget about me and if you ever find yourself in the tiny state of Rhode Island, you know who to call. I’ll be sure to shoot you guys an e-mail when I’m on the road, no matter where I am. I might regret the decision to ET, I might not. But I will not regret coming out here, I probably would not have the renewed drive in life that I have right now. I especially won’t regret my 6 months in Cape Verde and the amazing people I have met along the way.

Fika Fixe Amigos!
-Sarin

so...just to reiterate.

I did not get kicked out.
I would have loved to have given you a story of being deported and forced to come back home. While there were so many rules I could have broken (riding without a helmet, crossing country borders, doing drugs, having sex in the embassy pool), the easiest and fastest way to get out of the Peace Corps is to just QUIT. In my case, I wanted to leave on a good note and left as fast as they allowed me.

I did not leave because I was homesick.
It seemed like the farther I got into the Peace Corps, the less homesick I got. I even got to the point where I was convinced that I shouldn't go home and should continue traveling, working as long as the idea seemed good. This idea was even more true once I actually got home and *nothing* seemed to please me. Even a hot shower wasn't that exciting. Even though I am currently hooked on the internet, I could have been hooked anywhere. As far as reverse culture shock... my experience in Cape Verde lacked any culture shock for me to experience reverse culture shock at home.

I did not leave simply because I was having a hard time at site.
I'm sure I could have made my situation work for me if I tried hard enough. Once I realized I wanted to leave, I dropped the ball. Even though it was my decision, I am disappointed that I left site with all the problems that I didn't have time to fix.

I did not leave just because I am going to Cambodia.
I did not know I had a definite plan for a trip to Cambodia (more on that later). I was leaving on the assumption that I was on my own and that I would have to make my trip myself. So remember, I was under the impression that I would have to work for a bit to support myself in order to go. I wasn't leaving to go straight there, although I would have preferred it that way.

Another thing I realized, but didn't include in my statements of leaving, is how much I just hated working for the US Government. I just no longer wanted to be a statistic or a puppet under the arm of US Foreign Policy. I couldn't bear the fact that I was giving up so much to boost the image of the US.

Anyway, I hope this clears up any questions anybody might have. And also an apology for not telling anybody about coming home. The truth is, I hate talking about this stuff and just want to move on. Cape Verde was cool, I'm sorry it didn't work out, and I'm dissappointed that Peace Corps didn't quite work with me. So please bear with me while I move on. I am quite sure the reasons for leaving will become more clear once I get quite settled in.

Playing around with fd's Flickr Toys

It's a celebration, bitches.

On 2 Saturday's ago, I distinctly remember that time when I am sitting on the ferry to the island of Santo Antao with my PC buddies enjoying Christmas vacation. I figured a Christmas Eve baked in the sun isn't so bad after all.

Last Saturday, while everybody partied in typical college fashion for New Years, I did something very untypical of me. I went to church. Here I am enjoying church service in 2 languages with my friend from Nigeria. By midnight hit, I had already showered and it was time for bed. Happy New Year.

And now yesterday, is another untypical Saturday.

I fled the country.

I spent the day in Lisbon, Portugal.

I was a stranger in the city. No contacts, and all alone.

I walked so hard, I even grew calluses on top of calluses.

Most importantly: I left the Peace Corps. My day in Portugal was en route back to the USA. I arrived this morning (Sunday), jet lagged, tired, and haven't seen a bed since Friday morning.

You're probably thinking why, and the impacts of my decision on my life and the commmunity I committed to serve.

Basically, the answers will become clearer as the days pass. The only people who could understand my situation the best is other PC Volunteers. I, more or less, had their support. I am back home now, and if you want to know more about why I left, be prepared for a long analysis.

Do I feel guilty for leaving? A little. If I didn't, I would have left alot earlier. I sleep better knowing that at least I did more than most people might ever do in their entire lives.

I am on an unemotional slate right now. The novelty of arriving back at home has to wear off before I go off into serious thinking. It's good that I left, but I need some more time to heal.

So there you have it. Sarin Va. Peace Corps Volunteer no more.