If I were an Animal
January 9th, 2005 by Sarin
I think I would be a cat.
I don’t know how this thought got in my head and it’s peculiar how random thoughts will linger on. Usually I come across individuals who prefer dogs as houehold pets, because they say dogs feel more human than cats. In some way, I sympathize with them but there are many ways a cat is a more suitable choice as far as being closer to human. If I weren’t human, a cat would be my best option. And the more I think about it, the more I closely resemble the behaviors of a cat than any other animal.
While many people prefer dogs as household pets, I really can’t see why (never had one though) and plus I think dogs are too much like girlfriends. They can’t feed themselves, they are very high maintenance, they can smell bad really fast, they are attention whores, they shed hair, and if you don’t give them attention for 10 minutes every day they’ll crap everywhere.
I, am neither any of these. You see, with a cat, what you see is what you get. Cats might look cute at first, but they are never smiling. You idiots think anything with a tail is cute, damn it. Seriously, when was the last time you looked at a cat deep in the eyes and heard them say, “I hate you”. Oh, yesterday? That’s right. Your cat hates you.
Dog owners say cats are evil. Well, that’s exactly the point. There’s some satisfaction in saying you have a cat that hates you as much as the price you paid for it. But of course, I am just as evil as well. Think about it. Cats and me
- Pee on territories
- Are fast and agile
- Sleep during the day and hunt for prey at night
- Clean up after ourselves
- Slash people in the face if they get too close
- Make loud mating calls
- Have that “Don’t fuck with me” look 24/7
- Are completely superficial when it comes to self and others
- Have 9 lives
- Eat animals smaller than us
- As babies (or kittens) we knew that if dug our face right in, we would soon find the nipple
- Bite, and bite often
- Can squeeze in small places
- Are wicked enough to get to the top of a tall tree but could never think about getting off
- Have lots of children with multiple partners
- Carry our children with our teeth
- Could care less about anything but our looks, how clean we are, and how much sleep we get
If I were an animal, I would be cat. Because people know not to fuck with me.
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