Cell it if you need me
October 8th, 2004 by Sarin
I think people’s away messages have reached idiot levels years ago. Sure, I still check them, and probably myself either forgot to put one up or make up an away message that is on par with other idiots in this world. Yet, people and myself can’t live without giving other people operating instructions for effective communication.
How many times have you used “I went down the hall to pee, don’t worry I’ll be back in a second”. Ha, ha, ha. I may have used it several times in humor, because really, I never came back in that second that I oh so promised. Instead, I most likely steered my readers in the wrong course because I am a whore for people thinking about me and awaiting my arrival.
On the flipside though, there is one line I am utterly sick of. Because humor is fun, and well this ain’t. If I see another away message like below, I am going to smack that person the moment I see them in person.
%n :I have went out with my friends/ went home / went to the mall. Call the cell if you need me.
That’s brilliant. It gets the job done and tells the user exactly where this other bitch exactly is. But let’s look at that again.
%n :I have went out with my friends/ went home / went to the mall. Call the cell if you need me.
I feel fucking flushed. If I needed you, I honestly didn’t know what to do, but you are so brilliant you just gave me the oh so obvious answer. But, I am not 9 years old and you are not my fricking mom. Since when did you start talking to me like I was in preschool and mean it? You just insulted my intelligence by giving me instructions on common fricking sense you stupid excuse for a screen name.
Oh man. I really need this person. Let me see, oh he/she is away. Oh, it says call the cell if you need me. How dumb of me. (Twirls hair). I guess I’ll give that a shot.
You might think that anybody would think those thoughts in their head would need to be eliminated from the gene pool, but instead there is a flip. Whoever made the away message like above makes everyone who reads it feels like a retard or needs a holding hand. And that isn’t cool. How this for a change?
%n :I have went out with my friends/ went home / went to the mall. If you really needed me, you should have never checked this away message and called me you stupid idiot. In fact, don’t bother calling me because I know it’s you and you’re infected with idiot disease.
I think that would help ease the responsibilities of an away messenger and the away messengee. One shoots from the hip, and the other knows his place, but calls anyway.
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