Killer Cars

On Friday night, I was way ahead of schedule of packing. I took care of big things like computer stuff and clothes and it left me plenty of time to tackle the easy small things. I originally had it planned that I wouldn’t unpack from when I came home from college in May, and it worked out great. I still took a couple of minutes though, to audit myself and only bring the necessary crap to campus because I always bring more stuff home then when I bought back.

I didn’t plan on doing much that night and almost declared a chill pill, but by chance I got a hold of an old buddy from the Navy, Eric. He was in town for a couple days and we hooked up to talk about old times. It felt like my college stories are pale in comparison to someone who’s been and lived in different parts of the country. I heard most of his conversations sitting at the front row of a nudie joint, but I was still able to cohere with him.

The night ended at around 3:30 and I was supposed to awake somewhat early the next day. It was hot and empty in my room and I was not thinking about sleeping too much. I was getting nervous about coming back to school. It was the type of nervous you get the night before middle school. It’s as if I have so much riding for me into this year that I’m afraid things will mess up or won’t work the way I want it to. I awoke the next day and I was still horrified. I think I had a peaceful, more mature summer in Rhode Island and most of the time I was here I was thinking about making it. Moving out, starting a job, getting a car and home, paying bills and having free time. I remembered back in the first month of senior year in high school, when I asked my friend Vinny at the time if he would just skip the year and jump straight to college.

“Hey if you had the opportunity to leave right now, skip senior year, and go right to college as a freshman? If you had that opportunity, because it all sounds like fun, but it’s all still a year from now. Would you leave?”

“Yeah, I would go right now if I had the chance.”

“Yeah, I would too.”

And there lies my problem. If I had the chance back then, I probably would have said yes to jump straight to college without all the last year stuff in the way. A year from now seems long, but it still lays an unquestionable opportunity. Where and what I will be doing ponders my head as I start this year. Will I be happy, will I be in bad shape and will I like it. I can’t tell but right now I wouldn’t mind jumping into all that responsibility.

Later that day, I moved in my stuff in good time. One packed sedan and one packed minivan of stuff got loaded onto dollies and two wheelers and went upstairs. The total number of trips I think equaled to about 8 or so considering the number of big things I had. No one was around to help much, it was hot, I was stressed but I’m lucky my wrist didn’t give out. I got to see everybody after a long summer, (even seeing some of them here and there) and we had a good time at dinner. The drinking began, the night went long, and way too much heat was endured.

Then the aching began from the moving. Pain and aching in many parts of my body that I didn’t believe could get sore (hands and fingers). In a lot of ways I wasn’t very energetic. My last week of work was stressful with finalizing projects given throughout the summer, and I still went to the gym a few times that week and but took a day off. The day of moving and the day after was a body sore. It could’ve been worse if I wasn’t in shape, but I don’t think I enjoy prepping my body to hold large objects for long periods of time.

And I’m at this point not too excited to be here at this moment. There hasn’t been anything fun as of yet. Two days of moving and a straight 5 days of classes. I haven’t even been here a week and I can tell you that I am still sick of this place since May. Nothing has changed as far as people are; in fact The Gables are now overrun with sophomores who probably don’t know me from anything. And with all the restrictions and new rules put into place, more and more it feels like a dorm of all things. People even started propping their doors for once.

While some new faces have shown up, for me it is as if I never left. The Gables aren’t exciting me, the girls on campus I am so used to by now, and things seem exactly as I left them from the winter/spring semester. I am not too sure how I can pinpoint where I am getting this rage from, but all I know is I was really glad to be in Rhode Island at the beginning of the summer, and now I almost wish I had more time.

But there are some good things that can be considered fine. The girls are all back together in the same apartment. My new roommates so far have been really chill, and Phil still doesn’t live too far. Katie is as hot or a little less than I left her, which is good ;-). I never got charged for my parking permit, and I did manage to grab more hours at work. People SEEM to be dealing with moving in alright. But the excitement goes away, and maybe that is when I start to perk back up. Maybe all I want is for all of us to be happy, and still party like it was last year.

I want to throw a rager. I want to play and see people play Beirut all night long. I want hot apartments with small dance floors and good music to dance to. I want to play card games and embarrass people, I want late night walks for pizza. I want those underclassmen strangers, I want those new friends and those long “where are you” cell phone calls. I want to get to know somebody in one night, and still keep it close to the inner circle. I just want it to be new again. Continuing right off from last year is not a good start.

I hope my rage will disappear soon. Drinking might help, or might not. We’ll just have to see where it goes from here. Partying isn’t everything, but to me, it will tell me if the year is going to suck or not.

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