Killer Cars

My throat is shot. Along with summer allergies which I usually get used to and eventually clear up, my throat hurts from cigarette smoke. My apologies to those who love cigarettes but that stuff is fucking horrible. Why my throat reacts so violently to cigarettes is one of the reasons to keep me from trying. And honestly being older means you can’t escape it easily at all. Smokers are all around you, and only in New Hampshire am I safe.

So Rhode Island state workers are full of Italians, and so this guy helped me into a visitor spot at the Foundry building the other morning, yet I guess he thought it would be funny to give me a parking violation. I have an employee parking spot from working at DEM, but I was using the visitor spot because I was on other business. But I also noticed that the violation didn’t come with any fines attached to it. It denoted “vehicle in not desgnated parking spot”. Real funny, I wasn’t going to pretend like I was going back to work.

Fucking Italian probably thought it was funny.

Alright, and now on to my not so nightmarish story of Briard Marketing Group. Last Friday I browsed through ads on many different job web sites (there are actually a ton of them). The ones that ended up giving me the most results was the classifieds on ProJo.com (The Providence Journal). I had answered and sent resumes to over 30 ads that I had seen that day and thought nothing when I answered an ad that looked like this

GENERAL: SUMMER CASH $60-$100 a day. We promote products for Fortune 500 Companies. Enjoy the outdoors and make money. Full time permanent for the right candidates. Call

So I called but I forgot to overread the ad, it just did not make sense. Why would I in my normal mind apply for a job that paid cash. It certainly perplexed me why they would offer to pay you in such a way but I thought nothing of it when I called.

I was rushed for an interview right away. And I mean like an hour and a half away. Dressed in my sharpest business attire, I met with Bryan, the supervisor of the joint. He asked me to fill in a really half assed job application and then sat me down for an interview. The place was comfortable, but it didn’t look like it made alot of money. I originally got lost because it is in an industrial park in East Providence and his secretary gave the directions really feakly. Anyways, he was this little taller but very overweight guy with short hair, white hair beard and glasses. Could be business type, but more like I own my own business type of guy. I got through the interview very well and explained to him how I was looking into something more “resume building” on this type of job. He said that the stuff they do was not the typical 9 to 5 but in the end was the opportunity to teach and manage individuals. It felt alright, but I wanted to know more about the job. It was my common sense to not grill him, not to intimidate what he did for a living, but I was weary with what type of job this was. He offered me a day to come in and see what the job was like. I was all up for it at first, just to see what they do, but from an economical standpoint, the opportunity cost of a lost day was just too much.

I contemplated even going in that morning, but I did. I sat in the waiting lounge and stared at the closet.

“Is that a closet to place my jacket?”

“Uhh yeah, but keep it on, you’re going out in the field soon.”

“Ok…”

I asked if that was a good place to put my jacket, but Bryan (who was fixing something on the computer) said to keep it on because I was about to leave and go out in the field. I was like oh. So I sat there while everybody else in the back got ready and I finished my coffee. When I finished my coffee, I started to daydream when I was checking out the hot receptionist and was trying my damn near hardest to look up her skirt. It kept me busy for some short time. I also filled in all these non disclosure agreements for keeping that they were not responsible for anything I got hurt for.

I was finally called down to meet Dina, who I was supposed to follow that day, literally all day and then an interview to close. She was a twenty something and was ready to leave. As in we were in the car to start breaking the ice. Now our driver was someone she was still training and his name was Jeremy. He was a typical Boston asshole at first, still is, but it’s like as much as an asshole he was, Dina secretly falls for him all the time. Dickwad.

So weird to break the ice with people out of college.

“So what do you like to do?’

“Um, I like computer stuff, yanno, music movies, hanging out with friends, shopping”

I made the mistake of saying shopping when I really should have said, going to the mall. She instantly thought I was gay, and made comments on my clothes later on in the day. Kind of a weird start but not as weird as

“Do you know any good jokes?”

“I actually don’t. Most of the stuff I laugh about is between friends, yanno, inside joke stuff”

Which is true, most of the stuff I laugh about these days noone else will understand. It’s how it goes. So, the morning goes by and I still don’t quite know how the job works and we head to Quincy Mass. I have never been but it damn near looks busy without any skyscrapers. We finally park, and I get to see the merchandise she is supposed to sell. All the crap sucks, flimsy watches, Curious George photo albums, traveling totes, little gadgests and crap. I mean literally, this stuff was crap. So I followed her, and she went door to door to local businesses and had really good selling skills. She basically showed them new “Monday Madness” specials and “Oh everbody is buying them”. She came off to them as a really energetic and happy individual who acted like she had an amazing selling day. Sometimes it didn’t work. Sometimes it did when I didn’t think it would at all.

But it was suprising to be in a completely new community, away from phone, with two complete strangers. I got to run into really nice people. People from the Boston area can be really nice, especially the ones who run Bars, Pubs, because hey they are all having a fun time. Those were the most fun places to visit, and everybody just had alot of character. These were their everyday jobs, and sure they were old, but they were enjoying their days like no other. I was glad to be one of the people they got to see that day. So by following someone who was selling crap to local businesses, I felt like I was part of the community. I truly did, I dealt with the traffic, gas station attendants, school getting out, and the city had alot of character.

“Hey look at all those little schoolgirls getting out. I think Michael Jaskson would have a ball here.”

“On that comment, ‘You’re Hired’. On that comment alone I would have hired you.”

That was the only joke I laid.

It was a long day with much plenty of details, I did enjoy being in completly new surroundings and wish I had my camera to document such craziness I should say. When it was time to go home, (it was like 5), Dina started the interview in the car. She asked what skills I could bring towards this job.

“Honestly, I don’t think my best skills are being put forth to this job. I was expecting more of a behind the scenes type of production.”

“Well what was the least favorite part of today?”

“I think it is the whole field thing, it may seem like fun, but it can drag you down”

Being outside and talking to people may seem like fun at first, but I’m sure I will eventually give up and kill a local with my pistol for being arragont. I am just not put up for people and will eventually lose my patience. The one thing I regret not asking them, is if they see themselves doing this job in ten years. I dunno what type of response I would have gotten but it sure seems quite interesting when I turn the tables.

I honestly don’t think I would have learned anything from that job. It wasn’t even marketing. Bryan hyped it up to be some job perfect for business kids, but it really wasnt. Basically you bought merchandise on consignment and sell them back to people so you generate a profit. You kept most of the money you got during the day and that’s why they were being paid so well.

I am somewhat appalled at the idea of not having an IRS form or having some payroll company paying you. It’s like they are there for a reason, and getting paid cash doens’t sound like a job to me. So I told Dina I was no longer interested, and they dropped me off at my car. I felt a little relieved.

I regret ever answering that ad, but the day was quite the interesting considering the places and people I encountered. Now these people aren’t making 5 6 figure salaries, and hell they weren’t the most attractive people in the world, but hey it was Boston. And to them, they sometimes don’t know any better, but that sometimes makes them Americans. Living the life, day after day.

I went back to my car. I checked my phone. No missed calls. It was like the day didn’t exist.

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